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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652391">Hollow Girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/defuse00/pseuds/defuse00'>defuse00</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:08:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/defuse00/pseuds/defuse00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Monika has to make a confession. She never intended to take it this far.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hollow Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yuri is waiting at a desk in the classroom. She's reading one of her novels, her attention fully engaged. She didn't look scared or worried. Good. Monika didn't want to start this off in a bad position.</p><p>She opens the door louder than normal, drawing Yuri's attention away from her book. The novel is in her backpack by the time Monika sits down.</p><p>"You wanted to meet with me?"</p><p>"Yes. I've been thinking about things for the last few days,” Monika admits, “and I was hoping you could give me some clarity." </p><p>"Of course,” Yuri says, eyes focused on Monika. “Is this about Sayori?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Sayori's suicide attempt had shocked most of the Literature Club. Natsuki especially had been inconsolable. And their attempt at a meeting without Sayori had dissolved under the oppressive shadow of the event. Monika knew that Yuri and Natsuki had been talking to each other, mostly to comfort each other. They're keeping each other from crumbling under the strain.</p><p>Under normal circumstances, Monika would be taking steps to make sure the other two don't fall to their bad habits. But her interfering in other's lives is exactly how she got into this situation.</p><p>"If you're blaming yourself for this, Monika, you really shouldn't,” Yuri says with an intense look. “You've been nothing but kind to her for the last few weeks.  I think you understood, at a deeper level than either of us, that Sayori was having problems. But you can't think that you caused this to happen."</p><p>"That's not exactly an accurate description of what I was doing," Monika hedges.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"I knew that she was depressed and likely to try and kill herself."</p><p>"And that only makes your efforts to help her even nobler. Just because you failed doesn't mean you were wrong."</p><p>"Please stop assuming the best of me,” Monika requests. “I could have said something better than I did."</p><p>"I'm sure you tried your best," Yuri insists. </p><p>"I didn't. Look," Monika fumbles her phone out of her pocket, "please look at these messages and tell me I'm blameless."</p><p>Yuri scrolls through her messages with Sayori, her face tight. Monika can't see what she's reading, but she knows what's there. Lines like:</p><p>
  <strong>Monika: Natsuki isn't usually that hostile about her eating habits. Maybe you came off wrong? </strong>
</p><p>And </p><p>
  <strong>Monika: Don't take it too bad that Yuri doesn't talk to you much. She only talks to people she really cares about. </strong>
</p><p>Monika watches Yuri's grip tighten as she reads. </p><p>"What is this, Monika?" </p><p>"Me, I guess." </p><p>"This can't be you.” Something wells up in Yuri’s eyes. “I refuse to believe you are this monstrous." </p><p>"Believe whatever you want." </p><p>"Why? Why would you say this to a girl who you know is vulnerable?" </p><p>"I- I was hoping to get her emotionally dependent on me," Monika confesses. "It would make dating her so easy if she had no one else to turn to." </p><p>"What the fuck, Monika. That's despicable. There's something w- wrong with you." </p><p>"Yes. I know,” Monika admits. “I just don't know what to do next." </p><p>Monika fears this moment. If she's rejected now, she'll never recover. She'll leave the Literature Club and the cloud of rumors around that will lock her out of the social spheres of this school. She'll lose her friends. </p><p>But if there's a way out, she's going to grab it with both hands. </p><p>"Do you regret what you did?" Yuri asks.</p><p>"Yes." </p><p>"Because of what happened, or because you understand that it was wrong?" </p><p>"I don't know!” Monika insists. “Yes, I don't like that this happened, and taking the risk of her death wasn't worth it, but that's not why you would say it's wrong, right?" </p><p>Yuri nods. </p><p>"It didn't seem wrong when I was doing it. That kind of thing was normal in the debate club,” Monika explains. “They all did it. Maybe never that much or on such a vulnerable target, but the same kind of thing." </p><p>"Has your manipulation ever caused someone to act against their own best interests before?" </p><p>"I got two girls to argue so much that one of them ended up quitting the team,” Monika tells her. “Another one ended up with pretty bad nerves on a tournament day and I won because of that. Was that wrong?" </p><p>"I would argue yes," Yuri answers. "Do those actions not strike you as morally deficient? </p><p>"I've never questioned them until this conversation," Monika admits. </p><p>"What good is there in hurting others to achieve your goals?" </p><p>"There's nothing good about it. It's just a thing you do to get ahead." </p><p>Yuri sighs. "In some environments that might be appropriate, but this is the Literature Club. We're friends here, and we shouldn't do that kind of thing to each other." </p><p>"I'll try to keep myself restrained. But," Monika gestures at the air, "should I even be allowed to interact with her from now on? </p><p>"I believe in second chances. I gave myself one and it turned out for the best."</p><p>"Your crimes weren't as terrible as mine," Monika counters. </p><p>"I perceived them as a great offense," Yuri elaborates. "And though I am certain you have done something awful, I believe in your penance here."</p><p>"How? If I fooled you so completely before, why would you believe me now?"</p><p>"Real monsters don't ask for forgiveness."</p><p>"I guess." Monika sighs. "How do I apologize for this kind of thing?"</p><p>Yuri leans back in her chair and crosses her arms, considering the problem. "I don't think you should be as forthcoming as you've been with me."</p><p>"That sounds correct," Monika replies. </p><p>"You should give her a general apology and stop putting her down."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"No romantic pursuit for three months and you have to tell her that you were trying to worsen her depression before you do."</p><p>"I- I can live with that." Monika looks down. "Do you forgive me, Yuri?"</p><p>"Yes, I do," Yuri admits. "There's something wrong with you, but- aren't we all flawed? It's what makes us different."</p><p>"Thank you," Monika says, with sincerity. </p><p>"I appreciate that you were willing to tell me what you did. I- I don't normally get that kind of trust."</p><p>"I had to tell someone. I didn't trust myself to do what was right."</p><p>"Still, there were others you could have spoken to. You let me see the real Monika, not the one you perform for others," Yuri tells her. "I'm truly grateful."</p><p>"I'll try to be more honest with you. With the whole club," Monika corrects. </p><p>"I think that's the most we can ask for." </p>
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